Jean. A dear friend my whole life long and I'm so thankful she has , once again, beaten the odds and is back "home"--at least home as she knows it now....Who is Jean and what's unusual about seeing her? For one thing, Jean was in ICU only a few days ago! we are so thankful she is doing so much better and out of the hospital, once again....
You see, Jean had a stroke when she was in her early 50's (at least 20+ years ago) and of all things, it affected her whole right side. And the results were devastating. Jean, the artist, was suddenly rendered unable to hold a paintbrush. She was not only unable to paint anymore, she could hardly write. For one who loved the phone and loved to talk (yes, even more than me!), suddenly her words becane slow and slurred. She was, pretty much in an instant, transformed from working a regular job with 3 grown boys and being caregiver to her mother and sister, to one who needed care herself. Her speech was permanently slurred and she never regained back the ability to talk as she once did. This stroke victim wasn't as lucky as some, she never regained use of her right side. And she is constantly battling UTI's. She lost a leg about a year later and the other leg was in jeopardy last week ,as well, but they believe it was a blood clot (and it seems ok at this point but still a concern).
If you remember,(or if you didn't know me growing up), her family lived next door to our family almost my whole life until I married. She was a teen-ager when I was a kid so I thought she was pretty cool b/c she was an artist AND because she was a teen ager. BUT, even more, probably the FIRST SCRAPBOOKER I ever knew. She was making scrapbooks when nobody else was! I was fascinated by her scrapbooks .Hers weren't just any old scrapbooks, hers had art in hers, beautiful hand drawn art!Art created by none other than Jean herself. Jean was sooooo talented. She even had an oil painting that won first place in an art competition when she was 16 and was in the B'ham News. She was an incredible artist, as was her dad. AND, besides being an artist, her dad was also an incredible photographer. Her mom used to tell me that they would make photos of Jean when she was little and then, go into the darkened bathroom, pull out the film and develop the pictures right there at the sink. Because I love photography AND scrapbooking, this was soooo awesome to me. I could imagine them giggling and laughing as the image came onto the photos. She said they then hung them with clothes pins over the shower to dry. I saw all those beautiful black and white photos on one of my many visits to see them about 20 years ago. At the time they were still living in the same house in our old neighborhood. Her mom told me to look under the bed one day when I was there. She said, "I think you'll enjoy what you find." Sure enough I pulled out a big, dusty box from under the bed and when I opened that box, it was like opening a treasure chest!!!!! I think I actually screamed with joy at what I saw! For there lay, stacks and stacks, all these incredible black and white photos. TREASURES beyond belief. Gorgeous , large 8 x 10 black and white photos on fiber based paper. Tons of them! Pictures from her parents wedding. Pictures of Jean from a baby until she was a teen. Pictures of beautiful, blonde haired Bobra, her sister. Pictures of their family. But my favorites? They were of Jean , with her great grandfather! Those were my favorites because she was one of the cutest little girls I've ever seen! Like Shirley Temple cute! Curly hair/dimples and just a little doll. You could tell by looking at her pictures she was the "belle of the ball" and the "apple of her daddy's eye". He made so many adorable pictures of her with her great grandfather! Like Having a tea party/ eating birthday cake/reading stories. I LOVED looking at them. It as as if Jean's dad was making a picture scrapbook years before scrapbooks became the rage. Just incredible photos that told story after story. I think that was his intention, telling stories of their family with detailed pictures. I was mesmerized .
After they moved I guess all those photo treasures were thrown away.I asked her once, "Do you have the pictures, I hope???" and she just shook her head "no" , with tears in her eyes. How sad. No, not just sad, but a true loss.A loss of history and beautiful art. Yes, they were truly art pieces. I would've LOVED to have had all of them. But how incredible I got to salvage a few that day when I was there. I hand picked some to make cards from. She told me to take as many as I wanted. I wish I had taken them all. I am SO thankful I got at least one original.
It's so hard to imagine that that same child in those photos would now be living in a Nursing home, of all places, and she is only 72 years young--compared to my mom who is 99 years and counting....! Living with old people who have memory loss/mentally impaired and very the very old. And Jean. Jean, whose mind is perfectly fine, but her body is broken. And her spirit, I'm sure, many days as well.
As fate would have it, Jean now lives at "Golden Living" where my mom does! some would say Fate? Coincidence? NO!!! By God's Grace! Yes, Jean and Mimi are still NEIGHBORS , even after all these many years. How ironic is that?! Neighbors who live just steps away from each other (or a wheelchair ride away, in their case!)--the same distance as before! Anyway, sometimes I go visit her when I'm visiting Mimi, and sometimes, I hate to admit, I do not. I'm just going to lay it out there :It's not easy going to visit Jean. Not because I don't love to see her/talk to her but it is soooo hard for her to communicate--you have to really listen when she speaks (imagine, for a minute, MIMI, who can't hear good at all trying to talk/listen to her!)and I know she gets frustrated b/c she can't even write that well to try and express herself.But, when I do go, I always leave feeling happy/giggling (she's hilarious) and just as quickly, as I walk away, wondering: WHY? WHY did this have to happen to JEAN? WHY WHY WHY??? And I always pray after our visit and sometimes cry a little. It seems so unfair. So what if she smoked, if anyone needed a stress reliever it was her! So what if she didn't eat that well? Most people don't! I just have a hard time with it. I really do. I just can't imagine being "locked up" in her body. ONE LEG/unable to communicate well and having to rely on others for just about every little thing. And so, I try to stick my head in the sand and not think about her too much, because if I do, I think: "there by the grace of God, walketh I" and, yes, I ask God sometimes, "WHY?" , too.
So, when I do go to her room I always go with sadness and a bit of dread. thankfully, Jean still has her funny wit about her despite it all. And yet,I know, without a doubt, God still loves and has a plan for her life. And I realize it's not my place and try to figure it all out. All I know for me, is that she was placed in my life ( I always tease her that it was she who taught me about the "birds and the bees"! We always end up dying laughing as I remind her the questions I asked!!!!)..... Growing up and through my whole life, from when I can first recall memories, she was a part of my life. Those great times when she was healthy and funny and active and youthful bring me so much joy. And I think, how quickly life can change.... And yet, again, I'm thankful. Thankful that I have watched this woman weather all the many storms of her life and she still loves God. And trusts Him. Yes, she does. So, for me?? It's not about ME, but she is a part of my life, and I think about the bigger picture that we CANNOT see. And, It's a big ole reminder that when I have something that doesn't go my way, or when I have a little ache or pain or when life just seems hard, I think about Jean and I take a big breath as I pull my head from up under the sand and face her. And look her in the eyes.That's hard. I like to always joke and laugh and cut up with her. She expects it, and I do it. Crazy jokes/naughty jokes/laughter.... But, sometimes that just doesn't cut it. Like when I went to see her after her son died last year. So, I had to face her. Look her in the face. And hold my bottom lip with my teeth in front of her. To let my tears roll down my cheeks and not say a word. For what words can I say that would be worthy for her to hear? And we just silently wept. I almost wept today again, As I looked at her in her wheelchair with that one leg and one side of her face pulled down by the stroke. As I stand there with 2 good legs and make up on and earrings I almost feel guilty. I feel those old feelings come over me and the words hang in the air: "UNFAIR".
Even so, I know that ONE DAY it will all be made crystal clear as to why some people suffer tremendously and others do not, like Jean does. Until that day comes, I will continue to pray for Jean and not ask "why" AS MUCH, but "how" I can be a better friend. WHAT I can do to, if anything.Because she is so loved, thankfully, she has many friends who come and visit her. Faithfully! Her old Sunday School class/co-workers and friends. So, in that way, she is very blessed. I know of several her bring her much JOY :)
..Today , after nixing the idea of handing her card/little Easter goodies to the helpers outside her room I decided it was time for a visit, with Mimi on our way to take Mimi to lunch
-- As I wheeled Mimi to her room , I had that visit that I didn't not want to make. And I was pleasantly surprised that Jean looked really good!!!!! YAY!!!! The visit was like most--Jean giving that crooked grin and holding close the card I had made her,still in the envelope as yet un-opened, and holding the silly little yellow dancing Easter duck I brought to make her smile and all the while looking at my eyes and trying to communicate something. I wonder what? Mimi trying to talk to her but not being able to hear her. And then there's me. Making a crooked grin, to return hers, to keep from crying. About all I could say was "I am soooo glad you're here". And I am.
Sorry to have such a depressing and sad blog today. Sorry but not sorry. Because this is life. And while this is a sad/depressing blog,it's also reality. And sometimes reality just flat out sucks. YES. IT. DOES.
*Please, God, give Jean an extra measure of grace tonight. No, please, give her an extra measure of grace for her remaining days. I can't think of anyone who needs it more.
Below are some pix of wonderful Jean. And the eyes still smile.
You see, Jean had a stroke when she was in her early 50's (at least 20+ years ago) and of all things, it affected her whole right side. And the results were devastating. Jean, the artist, was suddenly rendered unable to hold a paintbrush. She was not only unable to paint anymore, she could hardly write. For one who loved the phone and loved to talk (yes, even more than me!), suddenly her words becane slow and slurred. She was, pretty much in an instant, transformed from working a regular job with 3 grown boys and being caregiver to her mother and sister, to one who needed care herself. Her speech was permanently slurred and she never regained back the ability to talk as she once did. This stroke victim wasn't as lucky as some, she never regained use of her right side. And she is constantly battling UTI's. She lost a leg about a year later and the other leg was in jeopardy last week ,as well, but they believe it was a blood clot (and it seems ok at this point but still a concern).
If you remember,(or if you didn't know me growing up), her family lived next door to our family almost my whole life until I married. She was a teen-ager when I was a kid so I thought she was pretty cool b/c she was an artist AND because she was a teen ager. BUT, even more, probably the FIRST SCRAPBOOKER I ever knew. She was making scrapbooks when nobody else was! I was fascinated by her scrapbooks .Hers weren't just any old scrapbooks, hers had art in hers, beautiful hand drawn art!Art created by none other than Jean herself. Jean was sooooo talented. She even had an oil painting that won first place in an art competition when she was 16 and was in the B'ham News. She was an incredible artist, as was her dad. AND, besides being an artist, her dad was also an incredible photographer. Her mom used to tell me that they would make photos of Jean when she was little and then, go into the darkened bathroom, pull out the film and develop the pictures right there at the sink. Because I love photography AND scrapbooking, this was soooo awesome to me. I could imagine them giggling and laughing as the image came onto the photos. She said they then hung them with clothes pins over the shower to dry. I saw all those beautiful black and white photos on one of my many visits to see them about 20 years ago. At the time they were still living in the same house in our old neighborhood. Her mom told me to look under the bed one day when I was there. She said, "I think you'll enjoy what you find." Sure enough I pulled out a big, dusty box from under the bed and when I opened that box, it was like opening a treasure chest!!!!! I think I actually screamed with joy at what I saw! For there lay, stacks and stacks, all these incredible black and white photos. TREASURES beyond belief. Gorgeous , large 8 x 10 black and white photos on fiber based paper. Tons of them! Pictures from her parents wedding. Pictures of Jean from a baby until she was a teen. Pictures of beautiful, blonde haired Bobra, her sister. Pictures of their family. But my favorites? They were of Jean , with her great grandfather! Those were my favorites because she was one of the cutest little girls I've ever seen! Like Shirley Temple cute! Curly hair/dimples and just a little doll. You could tell by looking at her pictures she was the "belle of the ball" and the "apple of her daddy's eye". He made so many adorable pictures of her with her great grandfather! Like Having a tea party/ eating birthday cake/reading stories. I LOVED looking at them. It as as if Jean's dad was making a picture scrapbook years before scrapbooks became the rage. Just incredible photos that told story after story. I think that was his intention, telling stories of their family with detailed pictures. I was mesmerized .
After they moved I guess all those photo treasures were thrown away.I asked her once, "Do you have the pictures, I hope???" and she just shook her head "no" , with tears in her eyes. How sad. No, not just sad, but a true loss.A loss of history and beautiful art. Yes, they were truly art pieces. I would've LOVED to have had all of them. But how incredible I got to salvage a few that day when I was there. I hand picked some to make cards from. She told me to take as many as I wanted. I wish I had taken them all. I am SO thankful I got at least one original.
It's so hard to imagine that that same child in those photos would now be living in a Nursing home, of all places, and she is only 72 years young--compared to my mom who is 99 years and counting....! Living with old people who have memory loss/mentally impaired and very the very old. And Jean. Jean, whose mind is perfectly fine, but her body is broken. And her spirit, I'm sure, many days as well.
As fate would have it, Jean now lives at "Golden Living" where my mom does! some would say Fate? Coincidence? NO!!! By God's Grace! Yes, Jean and Mimi are still NEIGHBORS , even after all these many years. How ironic is that?! Neighbors who live just steps away from each other (or a wheelchair ride away, in their case!)--the same distance as before! Anyway, sometimes I go visit her when I'm visiting Mimi, and sometimes, I hate to admit, I do not. I'm just going to lay it out there :It's not easy going to visit Jean. Not because I don't love to see her/talk to her but it is soooo hard for her to communicate--you have to really listen when she speaks (imagine, for a minute, MIMI, who can't hear good at all trying to talk/listen to her!)and I know she gets frustrated b/c she can't even write that well to try and express herself.But, when I do go, I always leave feeling happy/giggling (she's hilarious) and just as quickly, as I walk away, wondering: WHY? WHY did this have to happen to JEAN? WHY WHY WHY??? And I always pray after our visit and sometimes cry a little. It seems so unfair. So what if she smoked, if anyone needed a stress reliever it was her! So what if she didn't eat that well? Most people don't! I just have a hard time with it. I really do. I just can't imagine being "locked up" in her body. ONE LEG/unable to communicate well and having to rely on others for just about every little thing. And so, I try to stick my head in the sand and not think about her too much, because if I do, I think: "there by the grace of God, walketh I" and, yes, I ask God sometimes, "WHY?" , too.
So, when I do go to her room I always go with sadness and a bit of dread. thankfully, Jean still has her funny wit about her despite it all. And yet,I know, without a doubt, God still loves and has a plan for her life. And I realize it's not my place and try to figure it all out. All I know for me, is that she was placed in my life ( I always tease her that it was she who taught me about the "birds and the bees"! We always end up dying laughing as I remind her the questions I asked!!!!)..... Growing up and through my whole life, from when I can first recall memories, she was a part of my life. Those great times when she was healthy and funny and active and youthful bring me so much joy. And I think, how quickly life can change.... And yet, again, I'm thankful. Thankful that I have watched this woman weather all the many storms of her life and she still loves God. And trusts Him. Yes, she does. So, for me?? It's not about ME, but she is a part of my life, and I think about the bigger picture that we CANNOT see. And, It's a big ole reminder that when I have something that doesn't go my way, or when I have a little ache or pain or when life just seems hard, I think about Jean and I take a big breath as I pull my head from up under the sand and face her. And look her in the eyes.That's hard. I like to always joke and laugh and cut up with her. She expects it, and I do it. Crazy jokes/naughty jokes/laughter.... But, sometimes that just doesn't cut it. Like when I went to see her after her son died last year. So, I had to face her. Look her in the face. And hold my bottom lip with my teeth in front of her. To let my tears roll down my cheeks and not say a word. For what words can I say that would be worthy for her to hear? And we just silently wept. I almost wept today again, As I looked at her in her wheelchair with that one leg and one side of her face pulled down by the stroke. As I stand there with 2 good legs and make up on and earrings I almost feel guilty. I feel those old feelings come over me and the words hang in the air: "UNFAIR".
Even so, I know that ONE DAY it will all be made crystal clear as to why some people suffer tremendously and others do not, like Jean does. Until that day comes, I will continue to pray for Jean and not ask "why" AS MUCH, but "how" I can be a better friend. WHAT I can do to, if anything.Because she is so loved, thankfully, she has many friends who come and visit her. Faithfully! Her old Sunday School class/co-workers and friends. So, in that way, she is very blessed. I know of several her bring her much JOY :)
..Today , after nixing the idea of handing her card/little Easter goodies to the helpers outside her room I decided it was time for a visit, with Mimi on our way to take Mimi to lunch
-- As I wheeled Mimi to her room , I had that visit that I didn't not want to make. And I was pleasantly surprised that Jean looked really good!!!!! YAY!!!! The visit was like most--Jean giving that crooked grin and holding close the card I had made her,still in the envelope as yet un-opened, and holding the silly little yellow dancing Easter duck I brought to make her smile and all the while looking at my eyes and trying to communicate something. I wonder what? Mimi trying to talk to her but not being able to hear her. And then there's me. Making a crooked grin, to return hers, to keep from crying. About all I could say was "I am soooo glad you're here". And I am.
Sorry to have such a depressing and sad blog today. Sorry but not sorry. Because this is life. And while this is a sad/depressing blog,it's also reality. And sometimes reality just flat out sucks. YES. IT. DOES.
*Please, God, give Jean an extra measure of grace tonight. No, please, give her an extra measure of grace for her remaining days. I can't think of anyone who needs it more.
Below are some pix of wonderful Jean. And the eyes still smile.
........Here's a couple more pix from today .