From the moment she was born, she brought beauty into my life that was not there , previously! I remember being completely and utterly in love with her. Like: IMMEDIATE AWE INSPIRING LOVE....*Disclaimer: NOT THAT I WASN'T IN LOVE WITH MY 2 BOYS, that we were blessed with when they arrived ,but that is a different kind of love. A mother/son love. Which can't be denied. But, I so desired the mother/daughter love, too! *
This "having a girl thing" was an obsession of mine from before I got pregnant the first time .(yes, I was the one who asked for PINK vitamins over the BLUE ones. I was the one who stared at grocery carts with 3 kids--2 of which were boys and crane my neck to see if the 3rd was a girl! I was the one who would stare at girls dresses while buying Health Tex boys clothes! AND, I was the one who studied the Fry family history to see how many girls were born to see my chances of having one! LOL!).... OK, being honest here : Girls are just different! and let's be honest, I could not see myself chatting in the future to my sons about life! or having a good ole gossip fest! DUH! LOL! Oh, and did I mention AND I WANTED ONE??????!!!!!! ...So, imagine for a moment my reaction upon hearing those words I had dreamed of hearing for so long. The doctor holding up baby and saying: "IT"S A .........GIRL!" I longed to hear those words, truly. And when I heard them, I had to ask THREE times. (Just to make sure!). I put on FaceBook yesterday the doctor said, "judge for yourself". ACTUALLY, what he did was hold her , um, well, female parts in my
face. (OK! SHE IS A GIRL!!!!!!! LOL!!!!!)!!!! !
After the initial shock of actually having a girl settled in on me, and going over her little body from head to toe (she did have a tiny crooked nose hole, but that's ok, I fixed it by sticking my little finger in it and creating a nicer one! LOLOLOL!).... But, after inspecting my new daughter and cooing and telling her how pretty she was over and over (which is why she is like she is today), I remember putting my finger on her tiny cheek and rubbing her skin and amazed at how that felt. DIFFERENT from my baby boys skin. Her skin felt like rose petals. ( My mother had told me once, " baby girls skin is much softer than boys". She was right. It was like rubbing the petals of roses). Over and Over . And her smell! I was intoxicated with her from the way she looked/to the way she smelled to the awe of God's gracious gift to me. I stared at her perfection. I was totally in awe. Tiny ears and nose and a beautiful mouth. I couldn't believe this little "real life baby doll" was mine. Back in the "old days" there were no sonagrams. You just found out at birth what you were having. But, oh it made for some fun in the delivery room---the pushing and waiting!!!!! So, when the news came, I was in SHOCK. But, Natalie was born at 7:24 P.M. on Jan. 22 and , again, BACK IN THE OLD DAYS, they took them off and kept them. SO, and this is the saddest thing, I didn't see her until JAN. 23!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO!!!! can you even imagine???? And I was a NURSING mama, too!!!!!!! (So glad things like that have changed!). I was sharing a room the first night, (the hospital was full), and the girl next to me was holding her baby and cooing and feeding her. And I was lying there, wondering what my baby looked like/how she was/crying/ and wanting more than life itself to hold my new baby girl!!!!!! But, the next morning our first "meet and greet", I was fresh and excited/Natalie was bathed and clean and couldn't wait to see that door open with my angel! it was wonderful. I can see the nurse now, walking in with heaven wrapped in a white blanket and this little black hair sticking up! I couldn't UN-WRAP her fast enough! By this time, I was in a private room. As SOON as the nurse left, I put Natalie in the middle of the bed, ran (sort of!) to my suitcase and underneath and HIDDEN in my gown was a beautiful tiny pink ribbon. I IMMEDIATELY tied it in her hair. NOW she was mine! LOL!!!!!
. Oh how I wanted a girl! (*ya think?) i can say that now! ALL THESE YEARS LATER! I AM ADMITTING IT!!!!!!!!!YES! I DID!!!! I loved everything about baby girls. Their clothes, (obviously),/ being able to put a bow in that black hair/the dreams I had for her life/the pure JOY of having a daughter to be able to share so much with!! *AND, Praise GOD, these are the exact same reasons I wanted Natalie and Katie to have a girl, also!!!!!!!*
And, I must admit it, wanting a mini-me. Maybe I could, in some way, keep her from making mistakes I did? Steer her towards reaching for the stars more than I had done? Protect her forever? Keep her from making poor decisions?? Of course, that was all the thoughts I had as I gazed upon her face.( Her BEAUTIFUL face, by the way. All mothers think their babies are beautiful, but when the nurses and doctors and everyone says so, well, you believe it! HAHAHAHA). But with beauty comes a price. And I'm talking beauty inside as well as outside here. People are ready to judge. To use. To be jealous of. To want to emulate. To try and ruin.This is where I had to give up trying to make her life how I wanted it to be and giving her life over to the One, God, who could protect her/love her and guide her with His grace. And I did......After thanking God for the gift of this daughter on Jan. 23, I felt complete. I wouldn't want another child. I was ready to say :"Family done!"! I had three gorgeous children. Two of the most handsome little boys ever born and now this Princess. I truly felt complete for the first time in my life. Satisfaction. Peace. Joy. ....
But wait a minute! Oh my goodness!!! God had other plans!!!!!!!! our family was NOT complete! We would add 2 more children! Another handsome(BLONDE!) boy and another beautiful baby girl (and, YES, I wanted another girl by that time, as bad as the first time! Just ask Katie! She told me about the diary I kept before SHE was born, "you would've had to burn the diary had I been another boy!"! LOL!)!!!!!
But wait a minute! Oh my goodness!!! God had other plans!!!!!!!! our family was NOT complete! We would add 2 more children! Another handsome(BLONDE!) boy and another beautiful baby girl (and, YES, I wanted another girl by that time, as bad as the first time! Just ask Katie! She told me about the diary I kept before SHE was born, "you would've had to burn the diary had I been another boy!"! LOL!)!!!!!
How could I know that as I lay on the hospital bed and gazed at what I thought was the beautiful completion to our family on that January day??? I laugh now looking back. But, for today, I will enjoy remembering how it felt to just enjoy a peace that comes only after giving birth to a perfect/healthy child. And the child I had longed for my whole life. I remember dressing my dolls as a little girl (GIRL DOLLS) and thinking, "I will have this one day". Partly correct. But,I had something so much better/so much more than I could have ever created in my mind. God knew what to give me. A beautiful baby girl? YES. But, today, January 22, so much more. Still beautiful of course. But even more: a companion/ a friend/a confidant/ someone to talk about life with/someone to cry with and laugh like no tomorrow with? Yes, a DAUGHTER that I envisioned on the day of her birth!!!! . And today, I think of that day, that cold January 22nd so many years ago, and I weep. I weep with a smile on my face. Not with sadness, but with joy. For, yes, my dream came true.Yes, God gave me those things I asked for. But so And again, today, that dream is not a dream anymore, but a total and complete blessing. And a reality.
Happy Birthday, Natalie Ruth Fry Horne. I DO love you to the moon and back. And maybe Mars, too.